I met my current boyfriend, Oliver, at a time in my life when I was about to go through a pretty big rough patch. We met in a way that felt electric and cliché, it was something I definitely didn't see coming. My best friend Julia introduced us at a get together she was having at her place with her boyfriend and a few of his friends. I had just gone through a breakup earlier that year and was left pretty heartbroken. I didn't know it yet, but that breakup was the start of an internal shift and transformation that was starting to unfold within me.
When Oliver approached me at my best friend's get together I was sitting at a bonfire outside in the backyard. He came to shake my hand, we locked eyes and he smiled at me, all I could think was, "woah." There was something about him I was taken back by. We spent the majority of that night talking, playing some drinking games, and getting to know each other. I felt so at ease whenever I looked in his eyes. I was overjoyed when he asked for my number, and funny enough I accidentally typed in the wrong number on his phone (he ended up getting my correct cell number later that week).
Well, ever since that day we have been together, and it has almost been two years now. I didn't want to write this article to gush about meeting the love of my life, I wanted to write it because something magical and unexpected started to happen within me when I met him. Our journey together isn't one that has always been easy, but it has been the best thing that has ever happened to me and here's why:
I truly believe that the right person will help you become more of yourself. In so many of my previous relationships I didn't realize how much of my true self I was hiding, suppressing, or ashamed of within a relationship. When I look back, I hardly recognize who I once was when I was dating other men. I used to think that if I really showed too much vulnerability, or was completely myself, that the person I was dating would run and hide or leave me. How foolish does this sound? The sad part is that it's not uncommon for other people to feel this way within a relationship too!
When Oliver came into my life he was able to bring out the real me. It's amazing how much I've grown with him just being together for two years. From our very first date, Oliver made me feel safe and always made it clear that there was nothing I had to hide from him. On our first date he noticed I had patches of eczema covering parts of my hands and I remember him telling me, "you don't ever have to hide anything from me." Looking back now it took me baby steps to really get comfortable with most guys I dated, but with Oliver it was just easy.
As I mentioned earlier in the article, I hit a rough patch in my life only a few months into dating and knowing Oliver. During this time I was highly emotional and often went through bouts of depression and sadness. As much as I would try to play off that everything was "fine" at the beginning of our relationship, Oliver urged me to be honest and wanted me to trust him fully with what I was dealing with. Whenever I opened up to him I knew I was able to trust him, I truly felt supported and loved. Out of all the amazing things he has brought to my life, this has to be one of the main reasons I fell in love with him.
I am proud to say that just as life ebbs and flows, my rough patches soon began to clear up, and I was finally starting to get back to me again and take steps towards my happiness. Oliver emotionally and physically held my hand through some of the worst times, but also never made me feel like the victim. He saw my greatness and pushed me to keep going and find solutions in my life. Although our relationships hit points that were tough, we were both always willing to communicate, be honest, and work through it all.
It's sad to say but in previous relationships I never really fully let my guard down, I was too afraid of being hurt. I was even afraid to be in front of previous boyfriends with no makeup on and truly not giving a shit about what I looked like. Now I realize that I am so much more than any doubts I have about myself. The right person will stand for your honesty, vulnerability, and love every part of your real self. You should feel 100 percent comfortable with the person you're dating and if not, then that's something to take a good look at.
It feels so damn good to be at a point where I've really embraced my true self, especially in my relationship. I show up as a better human in so many areas of my life because I no longer feel the need to hide any part of who I am. I want other people to know what it means to feel this kind of acceptance, not just in a relationship but within themselves. My biggest piece of advice to anyone who is dating or looking for the "one," is to look at whether they make you feel safe or not. Any kind of judgement, shaming, or put-down should not be tolerated or accepted in any relationship in your life (romantic or not). I think this is the ultimate step towards self-love and recognizing what you deserve.
I truly think people come into our lives to teach us about ourselves, look around and listen, you will see.
